The legendary Charlemagne, who is responsible for uniting most of Europe, faced an especially trying foe – The Saxon leader and warrior, Widukind. It is true that not much is known about him, however the facts that can be gathered on the man tell a story of a true hero and bona-fide badass.

In what is generally called the ‘Middle Phase’ of the Saxon wars (782-785), Widukind commandeered many attacks on towns and villages that Charlemagne had captured. This led to the Blood Court of Verden where Charlemagne ordered the beheading of 4,500 Saxons. Eventually the armies of Widukind and Charlemagne faced off in a war that lasted for 2 years. Despite the many riveting details about the war (such as Saxon women throwing themselves bare breasted into battle and children being used as stealth forest ninjas), it ended in defeat for the Saxons. Finally Widukind offered himself to Charlemagne in exchange for the assurance that his 10 sons & daughters be spared. However, he did not add his wife to the list, and she was beheaded in front their children. In customary fashion, Charlemagne baptised Widukind, becoming his godfather, and sent him to a monastery near the Baltic Sea.

During this time, Widukind left behind a journal of his experience at the Monastery Serat. The monastery is known for brewing an early version of the Chimay beer, which is now recognized as a prime European beer. One of the more striking stories held within the journal are the tales of his many battles with a monstrous river fish - The Welts Dogfish. The beast is best described as a cross between a giant catfish and a sea snake. It seems there aren’t many, if any, of these animals today, but in Widukind’s journal he describes the Baltic Sea as being full of these huge monsters. He wrote that on many occasions he and the monks would swim out to wrangle the monsters, who were roughly 18ft long, and had jaw spans of 5-7 ft. Many of Charlemagne’s prisoners would “play” with these beasts because they did not care for life anymore. Widukind gained notoriety within the monastery for being an amazing Welts Dog Wrangler. He wrote that “When ever I get the best of the beasts - I feel in control. It is as if conquering the wild animals excuses my losses against Charlemagne.”

One fateful day, Widukind was wrestling in the water with an especially well known Dogfish who they had named Fastrada. The beast got a hold of Widukind and drug him deep into the sea. Widukind did not resurface and it was weeks until Fastrada was seen again; he usually came around the same area daily. The next time the serpent was seen was on a large shore about 20 miles from the monastery. The monks decided to cut it open to check for any remains of Widukind, and obviously, have a delicious sea snake bar-b-que. After cutting through the fish, they found Widukind inside – still alive.

He described that the fish attempted to crush him in its jaws, but he was able to get inside the mouth, and eventually stomach, unscathed. Once inside he furiously worked at destroying the beast from within - ripping away at its internal organs. Widukind feasted on the organs, as well as remains from other animals while inside. His goal was to tear/eat his way through the animal and swim to safety, but was discovered by the monks before he could achieve this. He was taken back to the monastery and he recovered, quite rapidly, however, his mental stability was never the same. Tragically, about a year after his full physical rehabilitation, the true hero, Widukind swam out into the sea late one night and was never seen again. Many other prisoners from this time wrote that Widukind was their single source of inspiration to continue living, and tackle all the demons of their own failures.

They petitioned the queen to allow them to sail/trade in the Indian Ocean. Their first voyage consisted of three ships: Edward Bonaventure, Richard Gladdong & The Sunbeam. While on the voyage a terrible fate befell The Sunbeam. After coming around the Cape of Good Hope, a sudden and very wet storm descended upon the crew of The Sunbeam, and they were swept away to a remote island on the eastern side of the Cape. As they were the last ship to leave England none of the other ships noticed they were missing. It is said, however,  that one crew member survived and somehow got himself rescued by a French Foreign Waters ship. The FFW crew members brought him aboard. After getting to know him, the crew decided to record his story of survival.



The survivor - George Clifford, 3rd Earl of Cumberland - explained how he had survived the 20 years on such a small island. He instantly admitted his survival was due to his early adoption of cannibalism. Clifford told that after the 2nd day of shipwreck the crew realized there was a small tribe that inhabited the island. When the crew arrived at the camp, the natives believed they were gods & kings, which allowed Clifford to quickly take over. He decided that the best way to survive, on a fairly inhospitable island, was to force the natives to procreate - thus creating an endless supply of food. A few years in, George became infected with Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, which is the equivalent of mad cow in humans. With this sickness infecting his brain he violently acted on his animalistic/dominative instincts. He visciously attacked, and killed all members of his former crew. From then on he was supreme god to the natives and survived for the next 17 years.

What many do not realize, however, is that the entire Mozart family was musically gifted. Wolfgangs father, Leopold, and mother, Anna Maria, were both gifted musicians who passed talent onto their young children, Maria Anna, Givenche Haradis, and Wolfgang Amadeus. In an attempt to exploit the childrens gifts the Mozart family decided to set out on a great tour through all of Europe in the year 1763.

While in London, the Mozart family played an especially rousing performance for the Royal Family & other Noblemen. After the performance, the especially interested Duke Royalmount offered the family a huge sum (the actual amount has never been recorded) to allow them to leave behind Wolfgang for the Duke’s pleasure. He assured the family that the best treatment/education would be given to young Wolfgang, only 8 years old at the time.

The true nature of the Duke’s intentions were soon revealed to young Wolfgang. The Duke was actually a member of a very secret organization named the Wolfenz - a group of elites who forced their will upon villages through intimidation. The members guised themselves as “Werewolves” in attempts to grip the entire country in fear and gain control of England, and eventually Europe. The group wanted young Wolfgang to compose musical pieces that the group could use to instill fear. Many times the organization would hire groups of musicians to perform Mozart’s compositions at the edge of a village. The Wolfenz would then attack, thereby creating an association between the compositions and a “Werewolf” attack. Wolfgang served the group for 3 years, writing some of his most intense and gothic works, many of which have never been published. When Wolfgang was 11 years old, his family went on their third tour. During this time, Wolfgang escaped the Duke’s camp and rejoined his family. He trashed all the compositions and kept his experience a secret - only confiding in his peer Johann Sebastian Bach many years later. Later on he wrote his most famous piece, The Marriage of Figaro, based on his experiences with the Wolfenz.

The Wolfenz never recuperated from the loss of their young composer. The fear he instilled through his compositions could never be matched. However, the Werewolf mythology spread across Europe, and still survives to this day.

The man who was charged with, and eventually hung for the murder was a man named Patrick J. Whelan. His execution has been largely protested. Recently a journal belonging to John Stephens was found. In it he reveals that the true man behind the murder was a Reginald ValJensen. ValJensen was a fierce loyalist to the Fenian Brothers (a politically charged Irish clan founded by Stephens) who McGee had wronged many years before.

When McGee was 24 he fled Boston, Massachusetts, after a warrant was put out for his arrest due to some light arson and swindling.  He instinctually went back to Ireland, where he connected with members of the Fenian Brothers. During the 4 years he was there, McGee incurred heavy debts for gambling and drug problems. During a 3-day heroin binge he gambled away his fiancé, Katie, who was John Stephens younger sister. Keeping his word, McGee delivered his fiance and then fled the country, landing in Canada. He completely changed his identity and quickly rose up the ranks of the Canadian government.

In the journal, Stephens details how he hired ValJensen, an old friend and known hit man, to assassinate McGee while he was in Quebec. This would allow them to pin the murder on Whelan - who had been blacklisted by the Fenians. ValJensen murdered McGee by first stabbing him multiple times in the stomach, and then removing his left eye - an act of humiliation in Irish culture. However, these statements do not match with official police records of the time. The day after the murder, ValJensen reported to Canadian Mounties that he had witnessed Whelan murder McGee. Whelan was promptly arrested and subsequently hung. This was seen as a great double victory by the Fenian family.

An avid wrestler and woodsman, Lincoln would regularly take canoe trips up and down the Sangamon river. It is said that on one of these trips Lincoln lost his way in a rapid rush of currents. His boat capsized and he was later found by the Illinox tribe. Waking the next day Lincoln - thinking he had been kidnapped - stealthily escaped from the tribe, only to return with his trusty axe - nicknamed Big Steve - and single handedly decimated the entire tribe of 40, including women and children. He then used the souls of the dead to propel himself to instant fame and fortune.

After 10 years of traveling around the world, Lincoln returned to Illinois and found a woman, Mary Todd, who was capable of carrying his now genetically mutated seed. His children came out strong and beautiful - 2 of his children went on to have famous acting careers in England, Sweden and Italy. 3 of his other children, Sally, Samantha and Sonia, ran away together and formed a 3 woman “performance” group that found brief fame in Russia - until their horrific deaths in 1880. The lower halves of Sally and Sonia were never found, and Samantha’s face skin was found sewn on the inside of her vagina.